we will never believe in anything again

so i finally finished filtering through all of my blogs on myspace. i saved all the good ones and deleted the rest that have no more meaning to me. what i noticed was that 2006 was obviously not a good year for me. during the summer there were a lot of daily "adventures" i took with my friends and that was great but as for the rest of that year things seemed so monumental and difficult, depressing and kind of life shattering. what is weird is that reading through a lot of those old blogs was me telling of my own future without knowing it. i had a lot of dreams about things and a lot of strong feelings about things that unfortunately went ahead and fulfilled themselves.
a lot of the entries were really lame and i def have grown since then thank god hhahaha. 2006 seems ages ago and i dont even remember what happened in '07. i suppose that's why i keep a journal in the first place.
to get to some kind of point, today was not really a good day for me. overall i went into work thinking it would totally suck bc it is monday and they tend to be slow but i was wrong and it really wasnt bad at all. but as soon as i got home my dad starting pulling his bullshit and i really wasn't in the mood for it. and i know why he started it, baically bc my mom was home for a single day and as soon as she sets foot back in the house he reverts back to his old behaviors. i have learned all of my worst tantrums from him. so if he wonders where i get my nastiest attitudes from, he really doesn't have to look far. needless to say i retreated to my room to sulk and think about my life and what i have been doing wrong and i took a 4 hour "nap" bc i didnt want to be awake anymore and dealing with anything.
i think these past few weeks i have been realizing that i just feel too old to be doing all of the things i am doing in my life. i realize i probably went to school at the wrong time, for the wrong thing. i struggled in ways i didn't have to, ways i could have avoided. i feel too old to be living in this house anymore, to not have anything of my own besides the things in this bedroom i have been living in since i was 8 years old. i feel like i want to be completely unnattached from this life and my parents. i don't want to have to depend on anyone to get anything for me anymore. i don't want to owe ANYTHING to anyone. i think that's one of the biggest things. both financially and in all other aspects of my life.
i feel like i really need to listen to my mom and just fuck everything else and save all of my money so i can get the fuck out of here.