so this journal was kind of a wasted idea. i obviously dont need to express every waking thought into 5 different sources so goodbye blogger!

hey hey hey

happy june! only a few short weeks until i turn 23. ahhh! i will most likely be really broke. ah well. i still dont know what to tell my mom what i want for my birthday. i still want that betsyville luggage. hahaha
all of these days off makes me feel like i am on vacation or something. while i enjoy sleeping in, i do understand the importance of working. whatever. in a few hours im going to arielle's house for our 'work get together' well i guess i dont have to call it that, just a bunch of friends who happen to work at the same place hanging out together. i dont think jorge is coming this time around so it will be a bunch of girls and axay. which is usually how it is anyhow bc jorge and axay have a bromance kind of thing going on and then the only other bestie axay has is jorge' brother. hahaha but i can totally understand why he isnt friends with more guys bc guys are douchebags. lol but i will miss sneaking glances at catie and jorge conversating. it's so amusing when someone else you know has a crush on someone and it's not you so you dont have to be embarrassed about anything. ahhaha

so let's talk about how my fucking chapstick ended up in the DRYER. omfg. i could strangle someone. this has happened several times but def not in the last couple of years. i thought all of my chapstick was in my drawer but ohhhhhh noo. there are pink greasy stains all over like 7 shirts and i had to take them all to the dry cleaners and it's going to cost me a bunch of money to get them cleaned. arggggh!! to make it better half of them were new shirst too. oh well. lesson learned once again. at least they will be crisp and fabulous looking when i get them back.

little machine

so on the drive home yesterday i thought i would be thinking about how some old lady might pop up in my back seat and freak me out bc i just watched drag me to hell. instead i finished listening to mcs and then started listening to old school r.e.m. and thennnn my mother's nagging voice in the back of my head started ringing clear. about not spending all of my money and not going out as much and doing important things like trying to see how much it would cost me to live when i go back to school. wtf i hate when parents are right. well, you know i have a lot of plans this summer that aren't going to be broken as far as trips and shows and such but i just like to think of it that i can do both, i just have to find a way and the money. lol. i guess i just want to prove my mom wrong. im convinced i can still do most of what i want and be able to go off on my own as well.

idk, i think it is hard for me to make those kinds of sacrifices bc i never had to. i have lived a relatively cushy life and when i was at school all i had to worry about was being at school for the most part bc everything was taken care of. and even now i have been home for a year sitting on my ass and working this lame job not really having to be accountable for much. i know HOW to be accountable.. i just dont do everything im supposed to do and sometimes when i am out galavanting with my hard earned paycheck i sometimes feel the slightest bit of guilt for not saving some or working more towards my future or something. whatever this is shit i think about pretty much almost every day. let's move on. i feel like i am wasting my time talking about this all of the time.

i saw the king of hot dads today. like the hottest of the DILFS. so yummy. too bad i wasnt around so he could hop on my line. ah well. he'll be back. they always are. grace was complaining about her hours. i mean a lot of people got shitty hours so i dont feel as badly. but grace IS technically part time as well and she thinks it is completely unfair that "college students" who are on break from school get more hours than her. i can't agree with this bc i used to be a college student and i know how much you fucking need that much money just like when you are 73 and need that fucking money. so to say that you deserve hours more than them bc you have been there longer is just bogus. i think everyone should get a fair amount of fucking hours so they feel like they are actually earning something at this job instead of wasting their lives for this bullshit.
anyways, i don't feel that awesome. i blame it on the bad m&ms i ate.

mr. mcdreamy

yesterday i told katherine i was NOT going to catch her bouquet at her wedding. i basically explained that i would stand there, but if it came in my general direction i would duck out of the way. ahhaha FIRST of all that shit is so embarrassing. it's like 'HEYYYYY now is the part where all of you SIIIIIIIINGLE people come stand around to see which one of you will be given away next!!!" and then you know what they follow it with, some extra embarrassing shit were who ever catches that stupid lace shit gets to come over and put it on your leg in front of EVERYONE. if it does come straight for my face i could catch it just for kicks. or i can close my eyes and take three steps to the left. or i could make alan be my date and call him my gay boyfriend making me exempt fron the entire thing.

i started thinking about all of those dumb movies i see and people talking about being perpetually single. like, am i already in that situation where you are going to all of your friends weddings and they start squeezing out babies and they just keep talking about relationships and being married and how "one day zanida, you too will find the love of your life" and then they start mentioning all of these other poor unfortunate single people? omg i thought that shit was supposed to happen when i was like 30.

i just want to eat cake and hope to god kyle has a bunch of really hot friends/family members i can oogle at. one plus is my bridesmaid dress has pockets in it which i thought was really exciting and cool. katherine kept laughing at me bc i was so excited about them. but i told her now i could keep my chapstick with me. and she was like "wtf zanida" but then i told her she probably didnt want me to have dry lips in her photos now would she? lol

so here's to finding my "dreamboat" (katherine's words not mine) im going to go eat some fun dip, think about blowing some bubbles outside, and hang on to my youth.

oh. yes.

this summer is looking up to be the ultimate in awesomeness. there is going to be the best fireworks/fouryear strong show at toad's in july and i know i am probably for serious going to break something but it's going to be so worth it. especially considering i have been listening to fireworks non stop since that last show. i know a bunch of sweaty dudes are going to be jumping on my head and doing weirdo body dives onto my shoulders but i couldnt be more excited, to be in the front of course. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

annnd tranette and i are going to go on our first real road trip together which is funny that we never have considering our life long bffl status. but its always like "whoops, im kind of broke right now, lets just go to warped tour in jersey" and then we stand around in the sun and get three shades darker and have good times anyhow but this road trip will be so epic to use tranette's words. lol

can't stop listening to fireworks

im sickly. what the flim flam is this all about? who wants to be sick in may? ugh i get really sick like once a year so i guess this is my time. im sure work tomorrow will be absolutely thrilling. hopefully there will be some of my fav hott dads to oogle at so i guess i should attempt to look like i am not falling apart. hahaha the other day some dad guy was like "how do you pronounce your name?" so i told him and then he got all excited and was all like "that's awesome!!" so i was like "thanksss". then kristen told ann marie about it and then ann marie was joking and saying "i think someone has a cruuush" and i was like "im pretty sure that guy was married.. considering his woman and child were standing right there" but whatever. i still dont know why she fucking talks to me and he was like really puppy dog cute so whatever.

one good thing about going back to school will be the amount of man meat to stare at. im really over danbury uglies. i really need a lover i think. lol
so i was thinking about katherine's wedding this fall and wondering if i can bring someone. i mean, i know im going to be a bridesmaid and everything but im still not going to know anyone...like ill know alex, but alex is the type of person who can talk to anyone and instantly become friends. me on the other hand.... and then i was thinking about how bridesmaids are paired with groomsmen which means i will have to hang out with some guy who i dont know.. ahh! hopefully kyle's friends are hott. lol. and interesting. def something to wonder about. i should really get over my social difficulties by now i guess.

still getting yelled at by my mom. real cool.

i'm starting to realize why sometimes i feel like being really selfish.




in other news:
brandon from work got hurt today. he's kind of accident prone though. he sliced his arm open on something in the back room and got carried out on a stretcher. fun fun. apparently a 3 inch deep gash. he thinks he saw bone or something but he was about to pass out so he wasn't quite sure. then he came back to get his stuff and go home and he was telling me about how he reallllly wanted stitches. ahhaha i think he just wanted another cool scar to show off. man i still have a crush on that kid. not like, an i want to go out with you crush, just thank god there is someone decent to look at/ talk to at work who is a guy bc i got over the whole "hot dad" thing a long time ago. wow i'm such a homewrecker in my mind. hahaha man and i'm still lusting after jorge in the same way. i'm pretty sure today in the break room he dropped his change 3 times, on purpose... hahha but one is never really sure. a girl can oogle.

i finally called my mom back and she was screaming at me on the phone. apparently she has been trying to call me for the last 3 days. idk. it seems like the older my phone gets the less i pay attention to it. plus the fact that either i am at work (can't check my phone often) or i am at home (zero reception) and then the rest of the time i barely even bother. pretty terrible but i swear once i get a new phone i'll pay attention. or maybe it's all bc i am just starting to not care about a lot of things going on around me in my life.